i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize