Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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