Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
