pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My ass is underappreciated
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize