Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
