If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
