I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
