i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
