I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
