We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
