Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
