the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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