Sponge bath it is.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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