Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
