toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
