can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
