Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
