I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize