you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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