In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
