hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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