This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
