you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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