dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
