Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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