Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize