They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize