Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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