Someone shit on the floor
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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