life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
