I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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