her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
