Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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