well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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