Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You can't motorboat a personality
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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