Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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