you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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