somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
