I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
