my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You smell like stripper and shame
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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