when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
