Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need to calm my uterus...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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