She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
