All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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