i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Bring me that man meat
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
