we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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