She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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