when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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