I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
