I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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