Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
