I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
