I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
