Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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