It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
