i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
