I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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