White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
