saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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