Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
