Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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