don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
