If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
