HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
