Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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