I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We had to coat check the pizza.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
