I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
