Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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