That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
