all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
