I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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