just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
