So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
