I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
