i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
