You were right. It hurts to walk today.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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