so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
