Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
