This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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