I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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