im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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