I'm jealous of your bromance
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
