Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
