I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
