Cold hands, warm shart.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
