I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
