you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize