I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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