i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
