Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
