I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Farmville is her only friend.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
