Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize