i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
