She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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