YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
