I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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