why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
