evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize