I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
honey bunches of taint.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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