Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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