Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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