First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
