Well apparently he's into motor boating.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we made out on top of his cat.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
