I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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